Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

And the sadness?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

You are like me, then.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

What happened to the American Russell Bentley from Texas that was fighting for the pro-Russian commies?

It’s here now, writing to you.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Why don't some people like the 10 Commandments?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Why do people stay in cults after they have joined?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Sea cucumbers may help slow the spread of cancer, and without the side effects - Earth.com

I had run out of hope.

Be who you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

I am 26 now. I have wasted my 4 years of my life on government job preparation. I had put all my effort to get a job, but did not succeed. What should I do now?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Samsung could drop Google Gemini in favor of Perplexity for Galaxy S26 - Ars Technica

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s still here.

The sadness was still there.

Natural Tick Repellent Found—on Donkey Skin - Newser

I was tired of fighting.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

How can you maintain self-control?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.